猶豫 Hesitate

Hesitate 猶豫    22x33cm    2021_0716

釋文：

我渴望說出最深刻的話語，怕你見笑。

I long to speak the deepest words I have to say to you, but I dare not, for fear you should laugh.

R. Tagore, Gardener 41

原文如下：

 
41
 
I long to speak the deepest words I have to say to you, but I dare not, for fear you should laugh.
That is why I laugh at myself and shatter my secret in jest.
I make light of my pain, afraid you should do so.
我渴望對你說出最深刻的話語，但我不敢，怕你嘲笑。
因此我嘲笑自己，把我的秘密在戲謔中摔碎。
我輕描淡寫我的痛苦，怕你會這樣做。
 
I long to tell you the truest words I have to say to you, but I dare not, being afraid that you would not believe them.
That is why I disguise them to untruth, saying the contrary of what I mean.
I make my pain appear absurd, afraid that you should do so.
我渴望對你說出最真實的話語，但我不敢，怕你不相信。
因此我把它們偽裝成謊言，說一些違心之論
我讓自己的痛苦顯得可笑，怕你會這樣做。
 
I long to use the most precious words I have for you, but I dare not, fearing I should not be paid with like value.
That is why I gave you hard names and boast of callous strength.
I hurt you, for fear you should never know my pain,
我渴望用最珍貴的語詞形容你，但我不敢，怕得不到相應的回報。
因此我給你刻薄的綽號，誇耀冷酷的力量。
我傷害你，怕你不知道我的痛苦。
 
I long to sit silent by you; but I dare not lest my heart come out at my lips.。
That is why I prattle and chatter lightly and hide my heart behind words.
I rudely handle my pain, for fear you should do so.
我渴望靜靜地坐在你身邊；但我不敢，怕我的心會跳到嘴唇上。
因此我輕鬆地東拉西扯，把真心藏在話語後面。
我粗暴地處理我的痛苦，因為怕你會這樣做。
 
I long to go away from your side; but I dare not, for fear my cowardice should become known to you.
That is why I hold my head high and carelessly come into your presence.
Constant thrusts from your eyes keep my pain fresh for ever.
我渴望從你身邊走開，但我不敢，怕我的怯懦被你識破。
因此我高高地昂起頭，滿不在乎地出現在你面前。
從你眼中頻頻射來的錐刺，使我的苦楚永遠傷痛。

 

即使著作等身的詩人也常經歷下筆前的狐疑和猶豫。甚至越有創意的作家有時越沒信心。因為他們自我要求太高，他們｢不敢｣欺騙讀者。

偉大的作家才會怕讀者｢嘲笑｣，謙卑的作家才不敢隨便下筆讓自己｢的心跳到嘴唇上｣，或因｢懦怯｣而離開。

這首詩中的｢你｣指的是讀者，詩人在自己心裡塑造讀者的形象，他想像中的知音愈卓越，愈能鞭策自己，使作品更卓越。